I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
