somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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