I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
