yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
