my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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