my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
