p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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