I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
