You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize