Pappa wants mamma naked
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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