From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
