covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
