i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize