Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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