Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
