You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
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