im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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