you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
