the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just had sex on a roof
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
