Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize