Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
