It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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