i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
