if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
