last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
