She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
