I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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