they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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