whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
