Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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