No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
