THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
