I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
