The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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