What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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