those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
