I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
