...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
