Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
