Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
