she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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