ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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