you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize