Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
