sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
