She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Found the puke drawer
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
