I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
