I just saw a hot homeless man
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
