I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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