Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just blew my weed a kiss
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
