My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
