Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
