i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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