Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
