U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
