And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
