the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
