Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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