she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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