I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
