OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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