the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
