So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I love you. Go after that dick
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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