I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize