singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
