the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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