I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
where are you?
Hypothermia
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
