I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
