We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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