The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
