you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
