Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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