I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
