..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize